10. Lex Luthor has been able to grow hair this whole time, Superman has just been following him around and lasering it off to keep him bald to punish him for his evil deeds
9. Slade Wilson’s true origin is that he is Dennis The Menace’s long suffering neighbour Mr Wilson and he’s spent his life beating up superpowered children as a kind of catharsis to cope with years of being menaced by one
8. Zatanna doesn’t actually have to speak backwards to cast spells, she just likes Being Extra
7. Captain Marvel and Mary Marvel are actually adults who use magic lightning to turn themselves into children as part of a devious scheme to avoid paying taxes and get out of having to pay full price for tickets at theme parks and the cinema
6. Lex Luthor and Brainiac are the same guy, Lex just likes painting himself green and sticking christmas lights on his head somtimes, Superman is worried about him
5. Every time a superhero has “Died” and come back to life has been faked as part of an elaborate insurance scam that the entire superhero community is in on
4. Hugo Strange is Stephen Strange’s long lost brother and the two of them co-created Stranger Things
3. Bruce Wayne has been bribing Arkham security for years to look the other way so his enemies can keep escaping so he doesn’t run out of villains to fight when they get locked up
2. The real parents of the Joker’s Daughter are Comet the Superhorse and Skeets
1. Tim Drake made hundreds of annonymous calls from various payphones to that phone number where you got to vote that Jason Todd would die in the explosion the Joker set off
“Hey, now we’ve woken you guys,[no one’s] seen you guys for a long time! Hi there, I’m Tzeentch!”
DISCORD. STASIS. GROWTH. DECAY. … PEVERSITY?
“Yeah, Slaneesh is new. He/She/It is a huge fan of your whole ‘octopi limb thing.’”
GOALS. CHAOS. AIMLESS. WEAK.
“… You disapprove of us? Why? Why don’t you…”
YOU. AVIAN NYARLATHOTEP. KNOW YOUR ELDER.
And so Tzeentch vanished.
YOU. WARRIOR OF NODEN’S ILK. KNOW YOUR ELDER.
And so Khorne vanished.
YOU. FORGOTTEN ONE. YOU MAY REMAIN.
And so Malal shrugged.
YOU. LUSTFUL YOUTH. KNOW SHUB-NIGGURATH. FOR NOW WE MUST ALL REST.
In the bleak darkness of the 31st millennium, there was only science and a lack of Chaos. War happened, but it was less emotional. Peace happened more frequently.
A universe became divided by a lack of a Warp. But as time passed, it was decided this was a good thing.
The increased presence of abhuman fishpeople was passed off as a minor issue of poor gene samples.
Monsters and Stuff 