drferox:

Fantasy Biology: Sidehill Gouger

Gosh the USA cryptids are a creative lot, aren’t they? It’s like they’ve done away with the believable and competed to make the most outlandish, moonshine-fueled claims they possibly can, unlike us poor, noble Australians, plagued as we are by drop bears.

The Sidehill Gouger is a particularly unlikely species. Details are vague about what it looks like, but the tall tales agree that it:

• Is a mammal.
• Lays eggs, probably.
• Interbreeds with cattle
• Is a herbivore
• Is territorial
• Has legs on one side of the body that are shorter than others for walking clockwise or anticlockwise around hillsides.

And it’s this asymmetrical leg arrangement that makes it such a distinctive cryptid, because the rest of its claimed biology isn’t all that odd, really. We already have egg laying mammals, they’re called monotremes.

Living monotremes today are all carnivores, in contrast to the Sidehill Gouger, but in addition to their egg laying habits, the non-aquatic ones also have pouches for carrying their young. So I see no reason why the Sidehill Gouger wouldn’t have a pouch. But being a burrowing creature, their pouch is likely to face backwards to prevent flinging dirt inside it. Naturally, only females have a pouch.

Another fun fact about echidnas that you may not have known, is that their penis has 4 heads.

I am not kidding. This is a real animal with a four-headed penis.

And even more interesting, it only ejaculates out one side at a time, either left of right.

An egg laying mammal with an inbuilt asymmetry , huh? Suddenly the Sidehill Gouger sounds 20% less improbably ridiculous.

There is another friendly animal that has an inbuilt asymmetry. The anableps fish is a fantastic little critter. In addition to its excellent name, and ‘four eyes’ that permit it to see above and below the water line, it comes with two possible genital alignments: left sided and right sided.

For the anableps to copulate, a left-sided fish needs to romance a right-sided fish. Two fish that align to the same side are incompatible, and I see no reason why Sidehill Gougers should not operate the same way.

Our Sidehill Gougers already have asymmetrical legs, I will refer to them as either ‘left sided’ or ‘right sided’ depending on which side they have their longer legs, so it’s not unreasonable to hypothesize that they may have such asymmetrical genitals as well, deviating towards the side with the smaller legs. Thus, for these Gougers to made, they must stand side by side, both facing uphill, with their long legs on the outside, as their copulatary apparatus faces towards the middle .

This also presents a small problem for the female of the species, as if her arrangements are deviated to one side, she can’t lay her egg directly into her pouch as the echidna does. This is where the burrow is used, to protect the eggs and prevent it from rolling downhill until the pup is hatched and strong enough to climb into the pouch. Sidehill Gougers are said to lay 6 to 8 eggs at a time, so pups may hatch several days apart and attach one at a time.

(Echidna have two uteri as well, but giving the Gouger only one prevents her from trying to lay two eggs at the same time and having them get stuck, which is an adaption found in most birds.)

This paired arrangement of the Gougers standing nest to each other, entwining their shorter legs and using the longer legs to walk across flat land to new hills, suggests to me that they are in fact pair bonded and navigate this way after their eggs have hatched, potentially depositing juvenile Gougers on new hills in their travels. That’s an oddly romantic concept, isn’t it? Two beasts with their limbs entwined crossing terrain that would have been inhospitable to either one of them alone.

And because they are pair bonded, it makes sense for them to be territorial if they do meet another Sidehill Gouger coming the wrong way to meet them, it’s not their mate and they’re encroaching on their territory. Given their relatively restricted physical movement, any encroachment can’t be tolerated.

Other than being a mammal and having longer legs on one side of the body, there is remarkable little else specified about the appearance of this species. It may or may nto have horns which allows it to be confused with cows, but it’s almost certainly got fur. There is probably significant regional variation.

As for mating with cattle, I don’t think so. But a stubborn Sidehill Gouger meeting a stubborn cow who’s not intimidated by its display may find itself with no other option that to climb over the top of her, which a Lumberjack may innocently mistake for something else.

So with that biology in mind, consider the following variants:

• Frilled: The frilled Gougers produce an alarming but colorful display by raising fleshy, brightly coloured frills around their neck in an attempt to avoid confrontation.
• Lunar: The lunar Gougers carry bioluminscent patched under their eyes and on their ears. These nocturnal creatures use their light to signal other Gougers on distant hills, both to prevent confrontation and to deposit weaned offspring in suitable locations to potentially encounter a suitable mate.
• Aquatic: Rather than traversing hills, these Gougers lurk on the semi-submerged banks of waterways. As they can swim from one side to the other they are less restricted than their land counterparts, but lack a pouch. Their young remain in their burrows until they are ready to venture out on their own.

This species was nominated by my Patreon Supporters!